either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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