he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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