found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
