I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
