Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
