for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had sex on a roof
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
