You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
