i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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