"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
