did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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