I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
