I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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