He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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