I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
