he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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