I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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