My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
