Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
