Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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