I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
