i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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