I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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