i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't think brook has ever known best
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
