If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
