Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
