cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
