im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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