so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
