sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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