If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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