I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
