I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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