Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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