Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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