scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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