whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
