Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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