and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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