He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
