The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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