Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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