I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
