Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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