who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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