I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
