people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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