Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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