There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
