EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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