I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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