I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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